A SLAY QUEENS GUIDE TO SURVIVING BOARDING SCHOOL…

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Slay Queen’s Guide to surviving in High School In the real world, slaying is all about having the Brazilian hair, pop lots of champagne and take selfies in Dubai with more champagne. In high school, the game is a whole lot different.There is no Dubai, no champagne, but well, natural cool girls still find a way of slaying and keeping ahead of the pack. Here is a quick guide on how to slay the village outta your school verandas and still sleep in your bus dormitory on your decker bed with a smile! GUIDE TO SURVIVING BOARDING SCHOOL! a Slay Queens’ by a thriving Queen.

Clique Get a group of cool mates. Most preferably, those who keep up with the Kardashians. When you finally spot them out, keep’em close… and just like Drake said in his famous words, “no new fwends”. Ensure within this circle of friends, you look the most attractive, have the most dime and have googled the most about trendy make-up brands like Mac and Fenty. It will make you the “know-it-all” babe in the crew and you will now be able to call the shots. Yes! Call the shots as you shall be able to decide on what the clique shall have for break, what spots you shall hang at after class and whom to start up a round of beef with. You will be the queen bee. The clique should keep its distance from indigenous languages such as Luganda, Itesot, Lukisu (read: lugisu) and things like that.


Distance thyself from the dining hall.The aim of a school slay queen is to h Grab a strict diet and live like a Kardashian. The worst you and your crew can ever do is getting inches near that DH unless the school assemblies are held there. Even when the economy is tighter than spandex leggings, stick to the script. Ensure you are seen carrying paper bags of canteen things every lunch and supper time. Even when money is done, its better you live on noodles, skits and Cadbury chocolate tea. Avoid the damn DH.

Stash.Slay queens are who they are because they got the paper. No one is going to take your game serious if you do not have some hard cash on you. Fortunately, we know that most zeyis are very generous with grub but defi nitely not with stash. Therefore, say they give you that ka 150k before VD, take off 60k in 20k denominations for stunting initiative. Carry your break time 2k along to the canteen and while unveiling it, pull it out alongside the other 60k. Maintain this routine especially during that “kawu” streak. Trust me everyone is going to be whispering in corners how you have a bullion van hidden under your decker.

Lie that you are going “outside countries” for campus In most cases, when the school term and teachers get oppressive, most of your friends are usually going to start up jazz of how they can’t wait for campus. They will talk about many things but surely MUK, MUBS and UCU cannot miss the picture. Be the slay queen that you are and tell them your dad is flying you out to do a cosmetology degree in France or something. Just tell them that you are flying out. That alone shall make you the mother of all slayers (slay kings inclusive).

Get an allergy or asthma or any excuse to faint.No mean to sound insensitive, but in most local schools, kids with asthma are usually seen from such a snobbish light like they had such a silver spoon upbringing so much that all was soft to the extent that they are shaken by mere cold. Their bodies are all that’s pampered and frail. Sounds dope, right? First things first, buy a scarf and always claim you are allergic to various things. When it rains, breathe fast and faint first before the others. She who faints first was most pampered. Problems seem to make one look cooler. We all know that one kid who is allowed by the school admin to grow long hair or that kid, while the rest of us are eating posho and beans, she has special meals simply because they have a health problem.


Befriend the school barber.In 80 percent of schools in Uganda, having hair longer than 0.2 inches is a cardinal sin. Chances are high that you may be in one of the 80%. Despite the grounds being levelled, not all hope is lost as some heads shall be rendered much more equal than the others. This shall be influenced by how close you are to the barber or how much tax you offer. It is good manners for your barber tax to be sufficient but then again it is better manners for you to smile at him and call his name in pentatonic scales. In this way, while he literally mauls other heads clean, he will give you those fresh French cuts as if fresh from a 1995 Wesley Snipes movie. You will be elevated to scales unknown.

Edit the threads.It is well known that tailors are never generous when it comes to cloth material until it comes to school uniforms. Why make them so baggy? As queen bee, you shall not wear extra cloth on your body well aware that no one can ever see the fine legs if they are buried under a sweeping skirt. Get your thread and needle and put to work those skills you learnt from Home Economics. Caution: In some schools, fitting school uniform may earn you the right to a new pair twice as large.

Say that you’re into campusers and not high school scoobies.This has been the tip of the ice berg when showing boys where they belong. This elevated the stature of the girl in question as she had surpassed human prowess. Therefore, as a slay queen, do not give in to vibe from class mates whether from within school or outside.

Tell these people you are dating a campuser, most preferably at MUBS (for reasons best discovered when you reach campus). This shall leave both students and nonteaching staff whispering in low tones.

The Rwandese Factor When someone speaks of Rwanda, they are speaking fine skin, fi ne legs and fi ne face. Generally, ey’ting nice! Even the not so attractive chics usually tell people they are Rwandese just because. Perception is everything.

Even if your name is as solidly Ugandan as it can get, you could say that your family migrated during the genocide and changed names. That’s a whole other movie to tell your mates. You could even be like, security reasons, your had to switch names to keep you safe as your dad is a big government offi cial… blah blah! This always does with the boys. You are not a slay queen unless you are Rwandese either by birth, or by word of mouth.

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