Are you rather emotionally attached to someone, scratch that, gross, something? That is miles away from you that you would embark on a lengthy journey through the horrendous traffic jam in Kampala and pot-holed roads or go through a roller coaster of emotions just to keep them closer to you in mind or in person. It could be your boda boda guy, rolex guy, phone, barber et cetera. Here are the winners for me that take the day simply because they give us peace of mind something human beings have excelled at distorting.

  • Rolex guy and their esteemed customers

It is funny how people enjoy talking, tweeting, posting and going about how much they love rolex but they never want to be seen standing next to a rolex stand. This isn’t for you guys, this is for my friend that lives in Mukono and their rolex guy lives in Kyebando. He travels all the way by two taxis just to enjoy a sumptuous rolex from his hero, his rolex guy. That is the kind of long distance relationship that makes my eyes water.  Pro Tip, never trust a rolex guy that uses a spatula to prepare your rolex and never stop by a rolex stand with a cool ride especially those with personalized number plates and order for a rolex. You will be charged 25,000/= for a 3,000/= rolex.


  • Boarding students and their phones

If there’s anything that beats being confined in the last place you would want to be without the one thing you love the most, kindly let me know. Three-quarters of our conversations are around things Google has taught us in contrast to the things we learn in school. If we liked reading so much, our best hang out spots could be libraries. Imagine the different things you could have done on your phone instead of listening to your friends’ boring gossip about the new hot girl and those they have smashed during those sleepless nights in school. Shout out to those who replaced the emptiness in their hearts caused by the absence of their phones by purchasing MTN booth cards.

  • Barbers/ Saloon ladies and their loyal customers

Everyone’s hair style has since evolved from the legendary shaolin in their childhood to dreads, Bob and the other archaic styles to remember depending on the time you were born but the barbers that have taken the journey with you but they never get the props. The saloon ladies who always fill you in with the latest gossip about whatever is happening, from who got cheated on, who is hooking up with a new catch and et cetera are never credited. There are usually effects of changing your barber or saloon lady from your usual ones who have mastered the shape of your head like the back of their hands. Recently, some random barber shaved off my friend’s eye brows, Pacquaio and Mayweather didn’t fight. These guys fought. Stick to your barber.

  • Boda boda guys and their faithful customers

The reason we remain forever faithful to our boda guys is simply because they are more useful and effective than Google maps. They are a call away to your rescue whenever you are stranded in remote and unknown areas. They don’t over charge because our love is mutual. During our broke days, they are the most understanding creditors compared to our land lords. Now that they are on Whatsapp, we are thankful for the forwards you send to us every day to show how much you also love us back. I still wonder why you guys don’t represent us in the Parliament and government given the fact that you are very informed on political issues. You guys should consider paying us for our endurance while listening to your monologues during the long cold morning and chilled evening rides.





About author

Gerald Oloya

Guy seated on the horse in the POLO logo. Writer/ Blogger / Radio Presenter I see further by standing on the shoulders of giants.

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